I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
