proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
