she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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