Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
