I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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