yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
