she was so not down for the gang bang
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
