I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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