the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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