so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
