I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
