yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
