So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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