I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
