whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
