If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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