I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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