Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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