And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
