I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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