i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
