you're like a bully in the Christmas story
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Randomize
