I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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