I wish I could punch you in the face.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
