First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
