I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
