FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
