AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
