Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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