Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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