she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
