even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
