I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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