Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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