Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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