I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
