It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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