omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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