omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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