I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
