just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
