My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
