I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
