I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
