Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The convent might be a nice break from real life
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
