it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
