You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
