fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
