you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
