Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
